I struggle with what I deem weakness. I cry. I cry about just about everything and I have the tenderest of tender hearts. Everything hurts me. My feelings get hurt so easily is unbelievable. I have often found myself praying for God to make my heart harder. Or thinking that God is putting me through a difficult situation to help me get over this weakness of mine. To help strengthen my fragile little soul.
Until today.
I've started a new devotional, and the subject of the devotional for today spoke to my "fragile" spirit. This morning I missed my devotional time because I was called into work early (this is a massive excuse, but lets go with it for now). So, tonight I sat down to read and pray and draw. I read the entry and was struck by just how perfectly God has made me. It's sad that I have ever doubted why God would create a heart like mine. It's sad that it has taken 27 years for me to realize the gift that God has given me. Mind you, there will still be days where I curse my tender little heart, but today I rejoice in it. God does not despise what I deem to be my weakness. On the contrary, He rejoices in it because my soft and gentle spirit is to the benefit of others. God has gifted me with this tender heart so that in my most difficult times (which are fairly frequent when you are tender hearted) I am drawn closer to Him than I would be if I sailed through life.
So, while I am a sobbing mess over what most would deem silly things, I will begin to rest in the knowledge that while my heart and soul are delicate, they glow with a brilliant light that will continue to grow brighter in the presence of God. When my feelings are hurt over something seemingly small, I will remember that God is providing me with an opportunity to grow into my gentle spirit.
Some day I will feel comfortable in this space that seems so very fragile. Some day the fragility of it will be recognized as a gift, and not a curse.
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